Get Clucky!

Monday, February 21, 2005

life proceeds apace

I have no new news on babying, but I will say that it's an interesting thing to have decided to get pregnant and then to not be, yet. I had not anticipated this stage of the pre-prego experience. So for instance, my in-laws were here this weekend. I felt that we had a Very Big Secret to conceal from them--we have decided to have a baby! But in all ways not pill-related this is not at all new news, we've always planned on having kids. And for all I know, we're no more pysiologically prepared for baby-making than we were a month ago, because I can't imagine I've ovulated. So not much to say--at least, not much that we won't likely still be saying this summer.

But anyway, they came to visit. We went to the auto show. I have never wanted to go to an auto show, since I have never wanted to pay more than the mininum necessary attention to cars (as my mechanic can attest) but it was in fact a good time. I would like to say that I was torn between identifying with the mini (marker of my youthful hipsterness) and with the subaru station wagen (icon of my future urban-saavy momness) but it was not really a contest, I wanted the subaru, it is true. I only felt a twinge of hipster rearing its head when it was proposed that B. could have a mini and I could have the subaru, which did seem unfair and a harbringer of social inequalities to come. But we quickly agreed that we could both have both, actually, so that was okay.

The cover story on the NYT review of books yesterday was a review of a new book about mothering--I don't think I'll read the book, but I was struck by the reviewers sadly blase agreement with the basic claim that having kids, for a woman, really necessitates toning down the professional ambitions, because you're just not going to be perceived as the same career-minded person once the bebes come. This makes me sad, but it also makes me sort of shocked to realize how calmly I feel about the idea of sacrificing job for baby. Not to say that I am planning on doing so, but--I mean, we have a dog, I know I'm the only one who takes her to the vet, and I know what that means for how childcare duties will filter down in the future. Unless I suddenly become very wealthy or b's company takes up a suprisingly liberal paternity policy, when we have kids most their care will fall to me, and it will be up to me to fit in "career stuff" as I see fit.

I guess I'm just very startled to find myself at all okay with being a half-time or even full-time mom. It is interesting to get to know this new me! Her and I will have to work on our relationship a bit. I would say that it would be a good pre-pregnancy project except that the old me feels that my main pre-pregnancy project should be drinking heavily and staying out dancing until all hours. It's a hard call.


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