Get Clucky!

Monday, February 07, 2005

one week out

Have now been off the pill for one week. I have two things to say about this: first, I swear my tits have shrunk, and second, my libido has been doing the hormonal equivalent of climbing Mount Everest. That's a little embarrassing for me because I like to think of myself as a sexually well actualized person, and to think that I'd been placidly going along with a chemically depressed sex-drive is a little weird—especially because two years ago I did think that my birth control was getting to me, and so "fixed" the problem by changing to another pill. I had memories of a more, um, "perky" sexual existence, but had more or less attributed that to some combination of youth and having something to prove.

O, it is a sad day—the day you realize that the "medical industrial complex" has depleted your sex drive and then convinced you that it was all because you were soooo matuuure.

But maybe not, maybe it's just a temporary thing because I'm so hormonally flux-tastic right now.

The new "lets have sex-again!" me is making the rest of me even more interested in spending some time, pre-baby, off the pill. I read a book a couple summers ago (Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver) in which several of the characters were biologists and they all talked a lot about pheromones and ovulation. It made me sad to realize that I had not ovulated since I was 19, and only rarely before then. What if I spent my single years deprived of my greatest sexual attractiveness and my greatest sexual appetites? It would be a crying shame. All that time, I could have been going around bowling people over just by smelling right.

But on the other hand, lets not get too down on birth control here. I was just talking to my mom about how she literally can not conceive (heh) of how miserable she would have been without birth control; how she would have had ten children and then a collapsed uterus and then also no career and probably, at the end of it, no interest in sex (which, it was implied, would have deprived her of one of her greatest life joys. my mom is –very- sexually actualized; it's a stressor). I don't trust my fertility enough to think that I would have had quite such a hard time of it, but I don't know. And I can say with some confidence that without birth control I probably would have gotten pregnant with The Wrong Guy, my college boyfriend, and that would have SUCKED. Sucked. I can't imagine.

All girls should be on birth control until they're at least 25. That's not a new idea, but it's one I'm feeling particularly keenly these days.

Anyway: now I get to be all spry and fertile for a while with The Right Guy, and hopefully we won't get knocked up too fast for me to enjoy it.

That said, babies are starting to seem more straight-up fun and less an existential responsibility, which had been the major motivator for the baby-now movement in our family. So I hope we don't get pregnant too soon—but I also hope it doesn't take too long.

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