Get Clucky!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

home again, home again, fertility jig

We were home this weekend for Easter—went to visit my parents in the small Iowa town where I grew up. It was the kind of short trip that makes you want to stay forever. And I never thought I’d be one who wanted to “stay forever” in my small Iowa hometown—I liked growing up there and all, but to live there now—lord, what would we do? So it’s a little shocking to even find the idea appealing. I love city life. Still, I find in my old young age that I like the idea of a thirty second commute, and of mattering to a place rather than just having a place matter to me.

Anyway, visiting home made me just heartsick for babies. We kept taking these long, sun lit walks through the country side, looking out for the short green buds of crocuses and daffodils and watching a medley of dogs sprint after cows and the whole scene was so fertile it made me want to burst. I wanted to have dogs and kinder frolicking; to have my parents be grandparents, a role in which they will be absolutely triumphant. I want b’s parents come to visit so that the grandfathers can build a little tree house down by the creek.

Really, this went so far that I not only decided that next fourth of July (a big family holiday) would be a perfect time to have a baby blessing but also started Planning The Ceremony to bless a baby I have not yet even had. Crazy talk!

My mom and I were discussing a girl I went to high school with who recently had a very sad miscarriage at four months. Mom, who knows we are thinking about kids but does not know we have gone off the pill, says I really don’t have to worry about this because no one in our family has miscarriages.

But I don’t think I am really “in our family,” reproductively speaking. Although if you put my grandmother, mother, and aunt and I in a room you would think we were just differently aged peas in a pod, you would not think that if you were looking at our reproductive parts instead of our faces. My grandmother and aunt both got pregnant at late ages and while using birth control (my great-grandmother too, now that I think of it) and my mom got pregnant both times the Very MONTH she decided to.

So although it has only been nine weeks since I’ve been OTP, that seems like a long time in the biological world of my family. What it means is that I’m not like my mom or my grandmom—that I’m charting some new fertility waters all by my lonesome. So who knows? Maybe I can have a baby to be blessed next fourth of July—and maybe not.

Curiouser and curiouser, as they say. I’m just sort of hanging out these days, with my zits. Which are worse and worse, by the way—I actually had to change into a less v-necked shirt this morning so as to conceal a particularly red one on my chest. It makes me feel decidedly un-momlike to look like such a zitty teenager.

2 Comments:

  • Just a thought for you.

    I'm historically very fertile and get pregnant very quickly (and have been pregnant more times than most women in the western world in the modern era), EXCEPT for when I came off the pill. It took 14 months from when I went off the pill to when I finally conceived!

    So don't despair quite yet. It may take some time, even for a fertile woman. ;-)

    By Blogger bonni, at 9:27 PM  

  • thanks for the thoughts! don't worry, I'm not despairing; just whining. :)

    By Blogger AltMama, at 6:33 PM  

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