Get Clucky!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

I Love Naomi as a Hot Mama: But...

I can imagine a very good, very scary, very provocative movie about any of these topic: bad mothers, bad children, bad child care, bad doctors, bad wild animals. Most particularly, I can imagine a great scary movie about this topic: bad anxiety about reproduction.

I would like to see any of those movies. But I am sad to report that while The Ring Two tries to be all of them, it in fact follows through on none of its interesting topics in any interesting sort of way. It was not even, after the first little bit, very scary (I say this having literally jumped out of my chair five minutes in; it was embarassing). So don’t go. Most particularly, don’t go if you are already thinking about how very very compelling and scary reproduction is, even when it doesn’t involve weird long-haired spawn of satan girls. All the movie will make you realize is how “scary” or “alien” or “other” or whatever your own reproductive system is by comparison.

Most particularly, this is what I found irksome about the movie: I was all curled up in a ball for the movie (I mean, it wasn’t that scary, but it was still scary) and so, walking out, had weird muscle cramps in my stomach…which were not, just in case any one was wondering, menstrual cramps. Nope. My own ovaries are still more scary to me than Naomi Watts’.

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