Get Clucky!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

So, as I mention in my little side-bar over there...we haven't really told anyone about the whole getting pregnant thing. There are a couple of reasons for this. One of them is that in general I'm not big on revealing my plans and schemes: better to keep the cards close to the chest until you've got the hand you want. Because most plans and schemes don't come to fruition, you know--and I'd rather keep my losses to myself. I'm a bit proud that way.

But I feel my privacy/pride especially keenly around the topic of pregnancy. I have no interest in revealing the baby-quest to anyone until it's definitely a done deal.

B. finds this a bit ridiculous. He's like--look, you feel good about this, I feel good about this, why not be honest about this with the people in our lives?

And I'm all like: you have no idea how much judgement (in all sorts of ways) is going to happen once the baby is made known. You think your mama is going to like it when we want to take a pregnant belly to Burning Man? no no no.

And he's all: well, look, my mama doesn't really like it when we go to Burning Man -anyway-. So whatever.

And there's a certain wisdom to this "judge away!" attitude that I'm a little jealous of. But I also think it's a little naive. Doesn't he know how weird people--women especially--can be about babies? I just don't want to have to listen to all the "why are you drinking ice coffee, just because it's 98 degrees? Don't you know if you want to get pregnant you have to give up coffee NOW?" stuff. I just don't have the strength.

And I -really- don't want to deal with all the flack I will get at school. Because, and here's where it sucks to be me, when we get pregnant I am going to be getting rapid fire from both directions--from the "be a better mom!" family side, and from the "why would you want to do anything so freakish as to be a mom?" academic side.

What's more, it's not just a passivity/conflict-avoidance thing that makes me want to not talk about this with folks. To me it almost seems like a feminist act to decide that pregnancy is a private thing to think about--and to excuse myself from all the rhetoric of failure that surrounds it. By not giving myself and my experience up to the maternal mob, I'm giving myself the space and time to make decisions on my own.

2 Comments:

  • To me it almost seems like a feminist act to decide that pregnancy is a private thing to think about--and to excuse myself from all the rhetoric of failure that surrounds it.

    You are wise, indeed. With my first pregnancy I was appalled to find myself on the receiving end of so many invasive questions and suggestions. You're going to get some of that no matter what, but the more you can postpone it, the happier you will probably be!

    By Blogger KCB, at 6:03 PM  

  • Just saw this comment! KCB, if you check back--thanks for the support.

    By Blogger AltMama, at 12:54 PM  

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